Reflecting Back on how 2010 Was & Looking Forward to 2011

2010 started out promising and it is also ending with a great note. Looking back we cannot have gotten through without the love and grace of God. It would have been IMPOSSIBLE. We have a great support system and God had purposely put people in our lives and that has been a great blessing. We have a supportive family and a praying and caring church family, Pastor and Pastor's wife and Bishop and Sis Bobbie (Sis Bobbie love you!!! You are a blessing in my life) and just a great group of friends. I am grateful and thankful for that. Family and friends that has stood by us through thick and thin.

I would like to thank each and everyone of you who has made 2010 memorable for us. Forgive me if I missed you in my list...that will be my fault...my excuse "chemobrain" (keeping it light..lol!)

-Mom & Pa: Thank you for being there for us. We love you!!

-Momo B & Nei Lewa (my in-laws): Thank you being there for us...you are a blessing and the best:)

-Na Lia: Thanks for all you do....looking forward to 2011...hope you come back to church with me:)

-Tui: To my only sister....Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for getting things going at Stanford. I appreciate it greatly...now they call me the VIP patient at the ITA...hahahaha! and they spoil me too....lol!! I am not complaining about that:) You have always been the one asking my Drs questions....my other brain when mine is not functioning:) I love you my sissy...so my biggest wish for you is to come and know Jesus like we have experienced.

-Ju: My only brother. Thanks for being there little bro. You have grown a little mature:) and I am glad to see that God has His hand upon you. Without God you cannot accomplish anything. Always good to have Him on your side. We love you Ju!

-Tua Cama: thanks for being there though you drive me nuts sometimes:) We love you Tua!!!

-Tikolutus- Where do I start?? God has blessed us with your family- our second family:) Your family has taught us a lot about holding on- that this is only for a season...we thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. We are so thankful and grateful for your family. Our prayer is that God will continue to bless you and your ministry.

-Drodrolagis- We are so thankful for your family. Our second family with a big heart and love for God:) Been there for us when we needed you and we are so grateful to have people like you in our lives. May God continue to bless you in the coming years.

-Our Pastor: Pastor J. Shoemake and Sis Tasha- Thank you for always lifting us up in prayer. We greatly appreciate all your prayers and words of encouragement. It has helped us get through the tough times. May God continue to bless your family! We love and appreaciate you!

-Our Bishop: Bishop Shoemake and Sis Bobbie: We appreciate that you are always praying for us. Sis Bobbie thanks for your words of encouragement and prayers. We love you!!

- My church family (my church:First Church of San Jose:))- Thank you for all your prayers, words of encouragement and support. We would not have the strength to be going through this without your prayers.

-Our Care Pastor: Bro S. Hassas & Sis Monica: Thank for your for your prayers and support and for always checking in on me:) Love you guys and may God continue to bless you in every aspect of your lives:) Go Mrs Darcy!!!

-Sis Vicky: I am so glad I have a friend like you:) I mean that- You know exactly what I am going through:) It makes it bearable when I have a friend going through the same thing as me:) I thank God for you:) You are one of the strongest women I know. You have taught me how to take it as it comes and to smile and bear it even though I feel like crying at a drop of a hat...LOL!!! To have a friend like you is a blessing!!! My friend.....like you said 2011 is our year!!! I am believing that with you. I am still believing for our miracle. Things are starting to turn around....God is faithful!! I love you my friend!!!

-To all our friends and extended family: There's too many to name....to all of you that has been praying for us and sending us notes of encouragement...thank you for doing that...you did not have to do that but you did and we are thankful that you did:) We can never have enough prayer:) We pray that God would bless each and everyone of you in the coming year.

-To everyone that has made 2010 memorable for us, please know that we love and appreciate you and we pray that God will bless you.

I am excited and looking forward to 2011. It is the year of possibilities, miracles and great things!!!

Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year Everyone!!! God Bless!!!

Good Morning:) I am Blessed!!!

Blessed with the preaching last night. Blessed to have a great Pastor. Isn't it amazing that the word of God is always the right one for your situation? GOD IS GOOD!!!

I am ready to start the week. I have an early start this morning. Not exactly looking forward to today's appointment. It has been a rollercoaster ride for me but I am trusting in God to see me through. They had ordered genetic testing on me about 3-4weeks ago to find out why I am having different cancers at a young age. Breast cancer and Spindle Cell Sarcoma are the two that we are dealing with.

My results came back the day before Thanksgiving and I tested positive for the Li-Fraumeni Syndrome. This means I am at a high risk of getting more cancers because of a mutation in a gene that we all have called the TP53. They have told me that there's nothing they can do because this gene is in every cell but let me tell you my God is still in control. Thank you Sis Vicky for always reminding me of this! You have and continue to be a great friend and listener through all this and I appreciate that very much.

So here I am...waiting for what treatment plan they have for me. God has seen us through so many things and this is just another bump on the road.

http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/li-fraumeni-syndrome

Friday

I had such a great two days of Thanksgiving. Spending time with my family. We should always be thankful for what we have- Thanksgiving is like a reminder for me. I am so thankful for what I have. I am thankful to God that He gives me life everyday. Sometimes its hard but the good times make it worth our while and the bad- well we need to learn from it- and if it does not kill us it makes us stronger:) Like my Pastor says...God will not let you go through it if you cannot handle it....I believe that.

My husband did most of the cooking this Thanksgiving- I am so proud of him:) He cooked the turkey, baked corn muffins, cut up the veggies for the side dishes and carved the ham and the turkey. I love you my husband and I am THANKFUL for you:) We have so much leftovers so this morning I got up with turkey on the brain:) Got up and had thanksgiving food for breakfast lol! Yup! The whole sha-bang!!! Skipped the pumpkin pie....but I will be back...:) Can you believe my prayer was answered- I tasted food:) so while it lasts I am going for my favorite foods:)

Thanksgiving Cooking

My other favorite part of Thanksgiving is the eating part..lol:) I think I will try some new recipes this year because I am in charge of the side dishes.. maybe I should stick to the usual...thinking good old corn bread stuffing, green beans and the works,  roasted sweet potatoes and veges, mashed potatoes...  My aunt has dessert down....can't go wrong with pumpkin and pecan pie..I like mine with ice-cream need to pop a pill for this..lol! think lactose intolerant. Hubby has been going on about pumpkin cheesecake...we'll see...

I remember attempting my first Thanksgiving dinner years ago. The turkey looked so perfect on the outside but it was raw..it was a Disaster!!! My family had to wait longer to eat..lol...I have learnt my lesson. My mother-in-law on the other hand makes a mean Thanksgiving meal...I mean from scratch...and she makes these baked potatoes with veges...to die for!!! I still need that recipe:)

I love to cook and looking for recipes is like a new hobby now..lol..one of the nurses mentioned to me that she has met a lot of patients who are into cooking and just watching cooking shows when in the chair. I guess its because we can't eat most of it we just like to look at it :) How ironic:) I am hoping my tastebuds return to normal on Thanksgiving..lol! One can dream!! :)


Have a Great Thanksgiving Everyone!!!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving- what it means to me...I am thankful for a lot of things.I am thankful to Jesus for the gift of life. I am thankful for my family and my friends. I am thankful for my husband. Yes I am. God gave me the right one:) We have been through thick and thin- God is good! I am thankful for my Dad and my Mom- they are there for me when I need them, my in-laws..love them too- I am thankful for my sister- she has been so supportive and calms me down when I get in panic mode- my little brother for helping when I get too tired to do things on my own.

I am thankful for a good and supportive church family. Great pastor and pastor's wife, great care pastor and care pastor wife. Great friends:)

Sometimes it feels like we are stuck in one place but when we look back God has really brought us a long long way from where we started from. So I am thankful for that. I am thankful just to be alive. I am thankful for the people God has brought into my life at this time.

Sunday

MOOD: OK Could be better

I am not feeling great today. My medications has got my system all messed up. Got my emotions all over the map, having hot flashes like you would not believe! Having a confused stomach and numb taste buds! I hate nausea! I hate being tired! I hate missing out on everyday things! Today is the day I am venting! So would you all excuse me while I vent!!! I am missing out doing family things and going to church and missing Sunday School- yes I really miss my kids in Sunday School- I love teaching Sunday School. I miss Sunday night services- so yes I am complaining up a storm today. Today I am sick of being sick!!! I had to miss church because my stomach could not settle down!!! It does get old.

Don't get me wrong-- I am grateful for the good things that I have in my life. All the blessings and all the support. I am human and sometimes it really gets hard to take. I do break down. Keeping a smile on can be a challenge. I know the road to recovery is much longer for me this time...so I gotta buckle in for the long ride..I am not going to give up- I am believing in my miracle. It's the getting there that can be a bit of a challenge. Staying positive is good but I am going to keep it real when I need to. Cancer sucks and I would not wish it on any living soul. It drains you out physically, emotionally and mentally.

Only Jesus can help me through this. Prayer helps- So when people tell me that they are praying for me- you have no idea how much that encourages me and lifts me up. So to all that prays for me I love and appreciate you and I am thankful that you are in my life at this time. Thanksgiving is coming up- I am thankful for all the great family, church family and friends for their love, support and prayers.

~Folau~

Tuesday Tuesday......

Having a quiet day today...tomorrow is off to chemo- stomach is settling down today so it is a relief:) Have been taking walks in the morning so that has kind of upped my energy...:)Since doing radiation and chemo my legs and joints have been nothing but achy- so the first day of the walk was tiring but I had more energy was I was done- so pleasantly surprised:) It was such a nice and lovely morning to take a walk:) It was just nice to walk and be thankful for such a nice day. To just be alive another day is a gift!!

Yesterday nausea kinda sneaked up on me- never had it that bad where I actually wanted to throw up- took meds and it helped a little and the episode passed within a few hours. I am ready today...kinda learn as you go. And now to more interesting things...lol:)

I am now fascinated with hats...and scarves..lol....so looking a ways to tie them and make them work with an outfit. Sis Cindy and Bea got me the cutest hats-THANK YOU I LOVE IT!!!  You ladies are too sweet & I love you!!! The colors are right on!!!! I love em.....check them out!!!! I gotta find the outfit to go with them:) It has the cutest flowers on the side:)

I MEAN HOW CUTE ARE THESE??!!  Love em!!!!

Tuesday Tuesday......

Having a quiet day today...tomorrow is off to chemo- stomach is settling down today so it is a relief:) Have been taking walks in the morning so that has kind of upped my energy...:)Since doing radiation and chemo my legs and joints have been nothing but achy- so the first day of the walk was tiring but I had more energy was I was done- so pleasantly surprised:) It was such a nice and lovely morning to take a walk:) It was just nice to walk and be thankful for such a nice day. To just be alive another day is a gift!!

Yesterday nausea kinda sneaked up on me- never had it that bad where I actually wanted to throw up- took meds and it helped a little and the episode passed within a few hours. I am ready today...kinda learn as you go. And now to more interesting things...lol:)

I am now fascinated with hats...and scarves..lol....so looking a ways to tie them and make them work with an outfit. Sis Cindy and Bea got me the cutest hats-THANK YOU I LOVE IT!!!  You ladies are too sweet & I love you!!! The colors are right on!!!! I love em.....check them out!!!! I gotta find the outfit to go with them:) It has the cutest flowers on the side:)

I MEAN HOW CUTE ARE THESE??!!  Love em!!!!

So Good To Be Alive

So glad to be alive and breathing- thank you Jesus!!....A big thank you to the Tikolutus for taking us out last night- we had a great time:) that cuppacino mousse cake was a "killer" in a good way!!! Well worth it!!! (but we are ok- inside joke..LOL!!)

I have chemo coming up early next week so I am enjoying the 2-3 days which are side effects free- that is less nausea and less upset stomach compared to the days after chemo.

I am getting the hang of this- it was getting pretty rough at first because I did not know how I would react to the chemo- but I am figuring it out- slowly but surely I will get back to the land of the living...lol! Trying out new things to up my energy...none working yet... I welcome suggestions:) I thought I was going to be a pro at this because this is the second time I am going through this- how wrong I was- this time it is a much different regiment and also treating a different cancer. I am getting there...

So today I am all around town with as much energy as I can muster...so watch out world- I will be in bed probably by 8PM....lol!! Looking forward to tomorrow's service.

Hairy Issues

As you know if you are going through chemotherapy you will most likely lose your hair- so I have gotten mine cut since it was falling faster than I thought. This is the second time I am going through this and I am more prepared now than I was before. At 24 when I had to cut my hair I was bawling my eyes out. I could not cut my hair. For women our hair is our identity- so for me at that time I felt like part of being a women was being taken away when I lost my hair. It took a while for me to get used to it. It was a joy to have my hair grow back for two years:) Short time but I enjoyed it while it lasted. My hair texture changed to something I liked:)- one of the benefits of chemo:) when it started growing back it was unbelievably soft...lol....people would ask to touch my new hair- it was too funny:) then the curls came in later but I liked my new hair.

So here we are again- my hair is gone again for vacation for another year:) I was a little hesitant but more ready this time around- handled it like a pro- no tears- I am a grown woman...LOL!!! Sis Vickie you have been such a great friend at this time. Thanks for always being there for me. Looking forward to when this is all over with! Yes this too has its season my friend! Its not going to drag on forever!! Gotta kick that devil in the teeth!

I will have my glory back and I know it will be better than the last:) So for now I think the ozone layer will be thankful for 1 can less of hairspray:)

My hair right before cutting it- I had lost more than half of my hair here.

Precious Kid

My nephew looked at me and did not know what to say when he saw I had his haircut:) poor kid!!  He kept asking "Nana where's your hair? and then came the "Why..." questions- My Dad calls his grandson MR.WHY... and I wonder why...

If you have not met my precious nephew- his name is William, he is 5 (his pic is in one of my blogs) He can literally talk your ears off. He has a very unique talent- he can talk and join different topics without pausing for your input. He is a one man show- wait a one- boy talking wonder:) My brother used to have the same problem when he was younger- but his little things was he was he would ask the questions that he already knew the answer to..lol....that was one thing that got on my Dad's nerves..lol..

Willy started kindergarten recently and he has been learning a lot...So he knows how to write his letters and numbers and other good stuff- but the way he explains how to write his letters blows me away sometimes..lol...so for the letter "A" he would say draw a slanted line, draw a slanted line and then draw a horizontal line...and then he would explain trapezium and curved lines and the works...lol!!! I am glad he is learning.

Sometimes I do miss days when things were so simple- being an adult is a lot of responsibilities:)

TODAY IS THE DAY- I WILL REJOICE

Having a blah day today- meds suck!!!- I have been missing Fiji a lot lately- never had that happen in a long time. There's a difference between what you want and what you get..lol! Feeling the tiredness and fatigue from all this treatment. I am glad that things are starting to improve. Oh what I would give for good health- if you have good health- THANK GOD for that!! No amount of money in the world can buy you that. I appreciate all the prayers and support- Thank you Jesus for great family and friends!!!

Always at the right time there's always a hug and word of encouragement. I have faith and I know that God has healed me- I am just on that path to recovery- its not an easy one though- gotta smile, grin and bear it:-D that's the way to go...lol.

Already finished second cycle- third cycle of chemo coming up again- just when you recover you are back on it....not fun. I am so glad I have capable nurses and doctors that look after me and a godsent social worker Ms B Bravo. God always gives the best!! I have just cut my hair on Sunday night- actually the hubs gave me a buzz cut- he didn't want to do it but gotta do what we gotta do- so now I am Ms Baldness to the fullness- of course I miss my hair- my head is colder, gotta wear a hat at night to keep my head warm..lol...all in a day's work. I need to give away my hairspray supplies..lol! won't need them for a while.

I think this time around I am choosing scarves and hats over wigs...I hated the itchiness the last time and the feeling that it was going to fly right off my head..lol....hate it!!! They have so many adorable scarves now and hats that also keep my ears warm- BONUS!! I hate being cold!!! What else has changed- well a lot lately....

One thing I wish for- more ENERGY!!! if it came in a bottle I would take one a day- well maybe ten:) Most of what is out there I can't take- if you have any suggestions feel free to drop me a line. I am now drinking some mix of vege and fruit smoothie- started today- not fun but gotta do it!!! I feel full from it but burping like crazy:P

Another fun thing has been happening- its called "chemo brain"-  2 words: brain fart. So I went into a store to buy something and it is right there in front of my face. I am trying to describe to the lady what I want and the words would not come out- I had my had my hand gestures going on and all but I could get out the name of that thing- she just looked at me and smiled- its like you know what you want but it just takes longer for your brain to process the information. I am on my way to aging full speed!!! Treasure your youth and your sound mind:)

Ladies- hot flashes!!! coming your way...to my young and youthful friends- when that time comes around- get ready with fans and cool towels- it creeps up on you..lol!!! Hubs is having fun with this- has his blankets all the way up to his head and I have the fans running...lol!!!

My hubby is a sweetheart and I love him to bits and pieces!! He has been supportive through all this- prays for me, takes care of me, puts up with me and encourages me. Thank you Jesus for my husband!!

That's all for now- Just thought I would kinda let you in on what's been going on in my life....

God bless!!!
Folau

Lamingtons anyone??

ii

I love to cook and bake--with everything - going on I haven't been able to do much but I have been collecting recipes like crazy. Lamington is an Australian desert- luv it!!! It has sponge cake on  the inside- so it does not have that chocolate overkill taste.But Sis Genia has this absolutely tasty pumpkin pie crumble cake thingi-omgosh! it is soooo good-

As you can tell I enjoy food..lol!!! but with my recent chemo it has kinda put a stop to it due to the nausea. There is so many changes to my died- no salads due to germs so on and so forth- I am still on smoothies- gotta luv those things-- 3 years ago I became lactose intolerant due to chemo- so nothing with dairy at all- so tno more ice-cream. Substituted that for sorbet- Sorbet is good but I miss ICE-CREAM!!!!- gottta have soy with cereal- I am adjusting still- can't complain- I am still alive:) So now when looking at recipes gotta do some substituting- but it is not such a  big deal with recipes. I am looking forward to getting over this treatment and getting back to normal routine:)

Update

1.Hooked up for chemo

2 masked for radiation

It has been a while since I updated my blog and a lot has happened since then. A lot of progress:) God is good. Since my diagnosis I have completed radiation for my eye and my sight is slowly returning-THANK YOU JESUS! Its not complete yet but I am trusting that God will do a miracle! That's a shot of me in my mask for radiation to my eye.The radiation is to shrink the tumor that was in my right eye. So I am glad that we are heading in the right direction.

I also started chemo for breast cancer- did Herceptin for 2 cycles. It was not too bad. Breezed through it like a pro..LOL! They tried my port which was not used for 3 years and I was praying for a miracle on that because a port is supposed to be flushed every 3 months. Mine was not used for 3 years. The nurse did a flush and a I got a good blood return- whew!! Thank you Jesus! When they put the saline in I got that familiar salty taste in the back of my throat- eeww!! No major side effects with Herceptin- just tiredness which came from the radiation and continued on-and on....

Currently doing chemo for sarcoma. Taxotere and I forgot the other one:) chemobrain is what I am getting:) I am going to Stanford Hospital and I have some of the best doctors looking after me- so that is half the battle. They discovered the spindle cell sarcoma in the beginning of October and they are working on it- thus the chemo- the side effects are rough but you gotta what you gotta do. I am trusting God for my miracle!!! For breast cancer I knew what to expect- pretty straight forward on my treatment- surgery, chemo and radiation. For the sarcoma the approach is a little different- we have started chemo, no radiation- THANK YOU JESUS!! and then surgery- I will post up the update after my consultation this Tuesday.

God is still in control!

No matter what happens I know my God is still in control! You know how we say we trust in God yet we try to find our own solution- that was me today! I am still in that learning curve:)  It is a revelation! I am trusting wholly in God and it is such a freedom!!! Felt like the whole load just fell off my back- God is working it out faster than I can ever manage:) I am glad that I still serve a GREAT and LIVING GOD- He can see and hear me! And I am glad that I can speak straight to Him!:)

Prayer is such a powerful things. Our family has been going through a lot- but prayer has been my source of strength. First my aunt (Mom's younger sis) was diagnosed with Leukemia back at home about 3 months ago. I got my own diagnosis which Stage 4 breast cancer about a month ago. My aunt passed away on August 19th 2010 (my b'day)- this has been such a hard thing for me to accept- but I am glad that she is not in any pain anymore.

Since finding out about my diagnosis I cannot tell you how much peace I have in my heart. I know I am going to be okay with God in control. I am so grateful for my church family. They have no idea how much it means to me when they tell me they have been praying for me:) I am grateful for my family- they have been there for me. Fear can be both consuming and distracting. It takes your focus away from what is important. I have so many families and friends that needs to know Jesus and know that He is real. You cannot keep Jesus in a box and only break Him out in an emergency. Been there done that. Everyday you live is a day closer to your time. That will be one less day for you to live- so live your life like it is your last day, forgive easily:) and love God with all your heart.

God bless!

A New Day

Hey its me again! Still alive and kicking! I have just had it with this stupid stinking devil! Good preaching last night by our pastor- really put things in perspective for me.

I was at the hospital this morning for my radiation appointment and made up my mind that I was going to start talking to some body about my Jesus.  I registered and got into the Radiation waiting room and I walked down the hallway and met a new friend- we got to talking and it seems like there has been a lot of death in her family. She has been in treatment for a good number of years. Please keep her in prayer. Another gentleman I met and he is also in treatment- he speaks mostly Spanish. We talked for a little bit. I will look again for them tomorrow. I know God has no barriers.

Celebrating Life

Will the birthday boy:) My dear nephew.

Celebrating Life

Last Sunday we celebrated my nephew, Will's 5th birthday. Mom missed it she is still in Fiji visiting:) It is so easy to make kids happy at this age, they are not as picky- he was just a happy camper:) Time really does fly- I still remember like it was yesterday the day that he was born:) My Dad is just a the proudest grandpa ever. He remembers all Will's little milestones and truth be told Will loves his grandpa a little more than any of us:) These moments are too precious.

Wow my 12 year old cousin is now taller than my sister. My sister cannot believe how Tyler has grown taller. The womenfolks are getting shorter:) It was just a nice time to spend with family and just enjoy good food. Chemo is starting soon:P and food will not be the top of my list.

I finally spoke to Mom over the phone yesterday. My Dad had called her on Wednesday to tell her about my illness and she had wanted to talk to me. So finally spoke with her last night- I think she was really anxious and she wanted to make sure I was ok. Moms will be Moms:) We talked last night and I think she was relieved that I was not hysterical about my situation. I feel so much peace this time around. God is good! We chatted and laughed- she is already in a hurry to get back to the US to be there for me during my treatment. I love my Mom, I am a grown woman but I still need my Mom around:) She is always the voice of reason.

I have always been an independent person- I hate to be a burden to anyone else- if I can do it by myself, I will but if I need help I will ask for it. Never be too proud to ask for help. It is not a sign of weakness. I had to learn that the hard way- that was a hard pill to swallow.

Starting treatment this coming Monday. They are doing a lumbar puncture on me to check if it has spread to my spine. I have never had one done before and I am not looking forward to it. I have been getting shots countless times this week- good thing I don't bruise:) I heard that it gives people headaches and it hurts:P when they get the LP. After that appointment I am off to start radiation on my eye- yay!! I have heard a lot of negative reports lately but "whose report will you believe? We shall believe the report of the Lord!"

My birthday is coming up on the 19th of August and I am planning to spend it with my hubby and my family:) I am going to be 27- oohh I am getting old- 3 more years and I will be 30. Life is such a great gift. Health is a great gift! Never take that for granted. To top it off- God gave you the freedom of choice- to choose at your will. Isn't God good? But never forget you will be answerable to those choices that you make. God bless!

Oh my Oh my! Gotta Shake this devil off!

Wow! I am thankful that I am in the truth- tell me why I feel that the devil is trying to steal my wind! No way devil- gotta shake this devil off!! So here is the situation- I have my eye (excuse the pun)on this family to start coming to church- someone is in the middle of this...and this someone in the middle is someone I respect and I have also been praying for a revelation for them. I think what was news to me that a huge huge church in San Jose is actually a non-denominational church- this person in the middle that I always thought stood for what they believe in goes to this huge huge church- this is a big compromise!

I was just sharing to my husband that I was thankful for Bro Al and Sis Filo. When I first started coming to church I brought my own views but never once did they shoot down anything we said- they let us grow on our own and figure out what is right and what is not. Looking back now- at the time when we were very new christians I don't think that we would have taken it well- the shooting down of our former beliefs-lol! That is wisdom from above:) Being the third person in a two person conversation I am biting my tongue. It is a very hard thing to do when I am sold out in the truth. Prayer changes things! Working on my list- help me Jesus.

My family:)

Last night I had informed my family about my diagnosis. They took it well and I was relieved with the reaction I got-no crying thanks goodness! I think I don't have anymore tears after the past few days- only words of encouragement. My family has gone through this with me in the before and they do know what to expect. I enjoyed time with them last night, just spending time and eating:) My little sister attempted to make lamingtons and my little bro made an awesome velvet cake and he also cooked dinner (pasta with meatsauce) I never have to worry about my brother starving..lol.. he is well equipped. I got to spend time with my niece and nephew- we painted their faces- I will post up pics later on:) My niece Jordan is growing up so fast:) She recognizes people now and would only smile at people she knows- such a brat. I spend a good long time trying to make her smile- never got one:P

My Dad encouraged me that they would keep me in prayer- Lord let this be a revelation to them is my prayer. My sister works for Stanford Hosp ironically for the Oncology Dept. She had made some calls yesterday and wanted me to get treated at Stanford. I am not sure about that at this point- still thinking about it. Part of me does not want people to readily access my medical information for a good reason. Some things Dr A tells me would scare my family so I choose not to tell them. My Mom is the person I am most worried about. She did not take it well the last time I was going through this. Please keep us in prayer.

God bless!

Life is so precious- We die longer than we live.

Two weeks have come and gone and at this point I am really sick of seeing the hospital. Started with a loss of eyesight but that was just the tip of the iceberg. I am so glad that I have a GREAT BIG GOD.

Monday 08/02/2010 I was told by Oncologist lets call her Dr A. that I have Stage 4 Breast Cancer- she says that it will be 6-12mons without treatment maybe longer with treatment. I am done crying over spilt milk I am on my way to living my life to the fullest.

It does give you a different perspective when they put an expiration date on you. This is not the time to sit around and mope- I am blogging at the moment without the influence of any meds...LOL! I have been avoiding any pain meds for the longest time. To be quite honest I am afraid- Afraid of a lot of things but certainly not death- do you know what death means to me- I get to see JESUS:) no more pain, no more sorrows, no more bills:) Ok I do not have a death wish- I still have a lot of people that I need to reach- I have a list of people- I like lists:) My prayer is that God would let me stay to do His will in my life- if He is done than I am ready. Despite what happens we will still worship HIM. He is still a sovereign God. He is still a miracle working God. It's in His hands.