Making Progress & Discovering New Things. Thank you Jesus!

It has been a while and so nice to be back. Since my last blog I have made a discovery with the help of a couple of people:o). Just something to aid with my treatment and recovery. Alternative medicine. I have only heard about it and just recently gotten a book from a church member who was looking into it. Very interesting stuff but it made sense. So my husband who is very supportive of it is helping me out with it. The more research I do, the more it made sense. A lot of information is available on the web.

I am doing this in addition to my treatment. I have a weak immune system like most cancer patients because of the chemotherapy and this does not help me fight off the colds and those nasty sickness. So it talks about eating the right kind of foods to strengthen your immune system and avoiding some foods that will feed the cancer.

Things to avoid: Refined sugar, refined flours, oils, most dairy products, aspartame (sugar substitute and used in a lot of diet sodas) to name a few.
Things to eat: Greens (kale, broccoli) Berries (antioxidants), Tumeric, etc

I prefer to keep my oncologist and NP in the loop so that whatever natural remedies I am trying does not counteract with my current medications. So far they have agreed that it is okay with me to take Essaic tea or ojibwa tea. It has some anti-cancer properties, taken like any other tea once a day. I actually like the taste:o)

Another thing that I am taking is a mixture of organic cottage cheese, flax seed oil and ground flax seed, also taken once a day. I went to a store in North SJ called Bee Hive and got a banana & strawberry flavored flaxseed oil:o) tasted like smoothie I could just drink it like that haha!. You should check it out especially if you know someone who is sick. The lady there, her name is Lydia. She has a lot of information on supplements for cancer patients. They are very knowledgeable on a lot natural remedies. Here is their website:
http://www.beehivehealth.com

I have only been doing this for a few days and I feel a difference in my energy level. The funny thing is when I take my medications from the hospital I feel nauseous, when I am on the natural stuff I feel fine. I don't have the pain and aches. I do want to stop taking all this medications but it is a process. I do understand that this is a lifestyle change. It is just not to recover and go back to old habits. It was kinda hard for me to stomach that haha! I love my island food :o) Only in a very small moderation- very small unfortunately:oP

We were also looking into juicing. Heard a lot of good things about it. Found a good and cheap deal on craigslist for a juicer. Hubby started last night and I had a taste test. He made orange and carrot juice- it was good. He made my first one this morning. Oranges, apples and carrots. DELISH! I got some recipes online for the green juice (veges).

All done!! :o)

Essaic tea or Ojibwa tea taken once a day. It also comes in capsules.

I figured if I want to get well I also need to help myself and I am glad that I was given this information:o)

Update for the Family & Friends

It has been a stressful past few months but we are holding on in there. Where would we be without God? Thank you Jesus for being with us through all this.

The last time I was on a hormonal treatment with Herceptin. My situation turned from bad to worse very quickly. I was first initially diagnosed with breast cancer and sarcoma (muscle cancer) back in September of 2010. So I had chemo and surgery to deal with that. Somehow sarcoma seemed to have fallen through the cracks. The doctors thought they had gotten rid of the sarcoma, how wrong they were.

So all my treatment was geared towards breast cancer. All my meds were aimed at killing off the breast cancer but the sarcoma cells were still in my lungs. They had also biopsied my lung during my initial surgery and it was breast cancer thus the doctors thought that the sarcoma was gone. So my scans in May 2011 showed only 2 nodes, by the time I did my scan in July 2011 the nodes were inumerable. They could not could count it. I was experiencing breathing problems because these nodes were starting to press against my airway. They did another biopsy and this time it was positive for sarcome. My surgery site was starting to hurt again, the scans confirmed that the sarcoma was back and it was growing again.

So we are on a new treatment plan. Aggresive and I am already seeing results. THANK YOU JESUS!! They have put me on Adrimycin and Cytoxin. I have already lost my hair. Hubby helped cut off the remaining ones that were too stubborn to fall off. My breathing has improved. I do not need the oxygen as much as before. Still need a little help with walking but improving. My blood count has been low for a few months, it has improved so things are looking up. To top it off was when I had a negative report of a tumor on my pituitary gland. GOD IS GOOD. HE IS WORKING THINGS OUT IN HIS TIME.

I am thankful for the help and the support of my family and church family. Especially my Mom and Dad. Love you Mommy and Pa.

Life is Precious

GOD IS GOOD! It has been a while since I have blogged. You guessed it. It has been busy with doctors appointments, stress, emotional rollercoaster but still I am here:o). For that I am grateful to God for giving me the strength and for the breathe of life. If you have not realized it yet, the greatest gift is to be alive. Once you you lose that you are just a shell of yourself. This past few months has been a little harder to deal with.

Dealing with a loss of a friend or loved one is not exactly my area of expertise. It raises a lot of questions. Am I ready when my time comes? Of course I believe in heaven and I want to go there. I know I am far from being that perfect person that qualifies but my prayer is that I become a better person than I was yesterday. Makes me realize that you cannot live your life with your head in the clouds hoping that tragedy, loss and other unforeseen situations only happen to other people.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT. I have heard said many times, everyday you live brings you closer to your day. Like it or not it is the truth. But here is my point. Forgive if you have a grudge. Fix relationships and do right. We do not live forever where we can put off things like forgiveness. Regret is an ugly feeling. I have had regrets and I am trying to improve things in my life. Things like taking time just to chat to that friend. I had come back home and I was so exhausted and tired and I got a call from a friend. I decided to ignore that call and call back later because I just wanted to sleep. Never got to have that call later and never got to talk to him before he passed away. I regret that and I wish I would have just taken that time to talk. Something I do regret. May you rest in peace Jone Lali.

Knowledge is Power: My Race & Cancer

I have been meaning to write this for a while so here we go. I never dreamt that I would be going through this in my 20s. Going through this I have heard numerous stories of Fijians who are either battling cancer, some have won the battle (props to you!) and unfortunately some have succumb to it. I think I was more unprepared when I had it because as a child growing up back home I was never around anyone who had it. The people who passed away that I knew was either because of old age and something else other than cancer. I really did not know what to expect and how to deal with it. I think we need to be more aware and educated about it for our own benefit.

I can remember back then the mentality I had. I was young and healthy, there was no way I could have cancer. I can say now that was naive and ignorant on my part.

There's numerous types of cancer. Go here if you want to read up on it: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/alphalist
What is cancer?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cancer

So come to find out I had history in my family of cancer in my family. More recently my Mom's younger sister passed away last August  (on my birthday:o( ) of leukemia which is cancer of the blood.

Knowledge is power. 

If you know there's history in your family don't sit back and hope that it will not happen to you. If its in your family, you have a 50% chance. Get the appropriate testings done. It is always good to be ahead of the game.

Ladies if you are 40 and over, start getting those mammograms underway. Read more about it here: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/detection/mammograms
For women under 40 its still a battle for the insurance to cover but I have heard of cases where they covered it because the patient had family history of cancer.

They also have genetic testing that you could do specifically to find out if you have the breast cancer gene. Read about it here: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/BRCA

You need to be pro-active for yourself. They have studies showing environmental factors that bring about cancers. So you don't only have to have family history to have cancer. Just catching things early always makes a big difference in treatment and your survival.

Here's my story:
Late October 2007 I discovered a lump, my sister set me up for an appointment where I got the biopsy. I was 24 when I was first diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer. The type of cancer was Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC). It was malignant.  The lump measured about 5cm across. I had a lumpectomy to remove the lump. They also checked my lymph nodes and it was all clear. Started with chemo therapy 2 weeks later and started radiation a few months into chemotherapy. It was such a tough time for us but we made it by the grace of God. I am glad it did break us back then. Let me tell you  having faith in God is so vital. Don't tell me otherwise, I have been through too much to believe that. Life went on after that.

July 10th 2010 I was back in the hospital because of a tumor to my eye. Had radiation and started chemo. A certain hospital is San Jose told me I had only 6 months to 12 months to live and I have Stage 4....Its going to be a year in the next 2 weeks baby and I am still here!!!! No we are not going down without a fight!!  Thank you Lord for getting me through!! Family and friends are a vital support system.


Transferred to Stanford in September. Got an aggressive treatment plan after the review of the new scans. Did chemo therapy, lost my hair and my eyebrows..:o) Had surgery in Jan 2011. Next surgery was in March 2011.  Started chemo again a week after surgery. Hair grew back- thank you Jesus! I just need eyebrows to catch up..:o) I am so blessed to have great doctors and great care! With all the tiredness and things that come with it, it can be so difficult to be thankful. But I am very thankful to be still here.

It is physically, emotionally and mentally draining to go through this but what is the price on your life and good health? Life and good health are priceless and should not be taken for granted. I want to stay around to see my nephews and nieces grow up and make some of our life long dreams come true.

Get checked and be pro-active!! There is so many resources out there. Also check out the American Cancer Society: http://www.cancer.org/ They have a lot of useful information.

If this has helped even one person, I have met my goal.

Have a great day!
God bless.

Here's To Good Health

Top of the morning to yah! Let me see...I am happy to be alive this morning and I am enjoying a moment of being cool, calm and collected...lol!

I really miss just being normal. You know temperatures not exceeding 100F and no chills in the middle of the day. Everyone is trying to cool down because of the heat and I need the heater on. I spent a day with Mom last week. While she was sewing I was sitting in the recliner with two blankets totally covered (yes even my head) lol! and I was still shivering. I slept it off within about 2 hours I started getting warm again so I took the blanket down to my chin and then finally got rid of it when I was warner. By the evening I was on a hotflash rampage. Mom wanted the door closed because it was getting cooler and I wanted it open, you guessed it...I was hot! Such is my life with all this medications I am on. 

I do miss a lot of things that I used to take for granted. Some more than others. Its like a guessing game sometimes ;o) I am a quick learner! lol! I think in my case it was harder for my accept that this was out of my hands. I could not change it or just simply turn away from it. I know God is still faithful and He will see me through this. 

Oh how about this...just be spontaneous and just going wherever you want to go. I miss that:o) or just trying out new things just for the heck of it....lol! I miss a lot of things but I know this is all for me to get better. I do understand that.

Things I will not miss are as follows: fatigue, having a sucky immune system, nausea, stomach issues, headaches, being a catcher of all flus and virus (lol!) blood transfusions, chemo, surgeries, doctors visits, blood tests, shots, hospital stays, ER visits, scans, x-rays, taking pills, sleepless nights, hotflashes, chills, fevers, hair loss, nail and skin changes, running nose, coughs, chest pain, bone pain..... (even I was surprised how long the list went...lol!)

Good health is my first priority. Good health is so priceless. Just ask me and any other sick person. If you have good health do not take it for granted and think that it will never happen to you. With cancer cases you can never be completely be out of the woods. Your care providers have an invisible leash on yah..lol! but for your own good and their experimentation (yes you are a guinea pig)..lol! I am looking forward to what the future will bring. I really am :o)

Have a good one!

HAPPY FRIDAY

I was discharged from Stanford Hospital at about 6pm. I went in the night before because of a fever. I was in the ER and had to wear mask so that I don't catch anything. Knowing me I just love to catch it all!....lol! I don't discriminate...hahaha! Come one, come all...okay I am killing this...lol! So anyway the visit to the ER was okay.

I like to people watch. So while we were sitting in the waiting room there was a bunch of college boys sitting in the corner just so engrossed in whatever they were doing. Two were on the internet, one was reading and the other one was playing games on his phone. Facing them was this one young girl, I think she was waiting for someone. Dressed in workout clothes and was on her phone doing some things but now and again she would sneak a peek at these guys.Then she would get up and walk around and then look at these guys and then she would come back and sit down...lol! It was just so hilarious because I think she wanted to be noticed but the guys were just too busy to look her way! Of course I would elbow Sau...lol! At the ER they have these windows in the hallway that you could look into the ER waiting room. She walks out of the ER waiting room and walks by the window and looks into the window by where the guys were but no one was paying attention. Poor thing..lol!

So they admitted me, my nurse was Richard. Just so flamboyant and all over the place. He said he used to be an oncology nurse. So he was going to get my port in the first try. And he did. He said they needed blood from my veins. I never used to have a problem with that until my veins decided to disappear from time to time. It has become a hide-n-go seek game whenever we do that. Only special people can locate my veins..lol! First try he got it, so I gotta give it to him. He walks his talk!
Stayed in the ER for about 5hours. Transferred at about 6am to my room. You really can't get enough rest in the hospital. You are constantly being woken up to take pills, take vitals, do tests, go for x-rays....So I am always glad to come home. I am not gonna lie...I always ask on the first day when I am going to go home...yes that bad. As soon as I get discharge papers you best believe my tail will be out of there in 15minutes flat...Dressed and packed and fastwalking down that hallway to the parking lot..lol!

My stay was not so bad I was just restless and tired and they had me on so much fluid that I was going every hour to the bathroom till this morning. So I barely slept.   So happy to be home and waking up this morning in my own bed. Hoping this weekend is a little more relaxing with less drama and no visits to the ER.

HAPPY WEEKEND!!!

Accessing my Mediport

This is what the nurses do to blood draws and administer chemotherapy. I have had mine since 2007 and its a trooper...lol! I absolutely dislike needles but since this is a normal routine I have had to suck it up like a big girl...lol! Don't mind the double chin it was a souvenir left behind from 6 months of taking steroids...lol!

It is now 9.54PM and my temperature is back at 101.8. I called the oncologist on call giving him a bright and shining report and that it was just a spike in my temperature. He was not buying it all so off I go to the ER and then admission for a few days...hmmmmm...just a day in my exciting life :o) Geez I just got released this past Monday, I think they miss me over there :o) Just had dinner and about to pack and leave.

See yah later alligator~~~ :o) (I know I can be dorky..lol!)

xoxo

Update

So yesterday was uneventful. Went for my appointments. Saw the radiation oncologist. We went through my records. Since I have Le Fraumeni Syndrome http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/li-fraumeni-syndrome I am not supposed to be getting any form of radiation unless that is my last and only option. So we have a tentative treatment plan in place. We got to review my brain MRI. Saw the 2 spots. They are still at 3mm so no need to worry about it right now. Getting new scans in 3 weeks to see if it has grown and we will decide on treatment then. I was going to start bawling...lol! it was a moment where I was wishing they would leave so I could just pull myself together. Proud to say I kept myself together ALL DAY...lol! yay me! Sometimes it does get too much and I start to wonder will this ever be over.

Met with my oncologist after to see how I was fairing. Well CT scans had shown that the nodes in the lungs had increased in size. From 11mm to 16mm. But she assured me that we need to give it time since I have just started on my treatment 3 months ago. We had shrunk those suckers before with Taxotere, Germicide and Tamoxifen. I lost my hair on this one. It was a little rough. But we got through it by the grace of God.

My new treatment includes Herceptin, Zolodex, Zomeda and I take Arimedex daily. Herceptin to take care of the breast cancer, Zolodex to stop the ovaries (thus the early menopause) and Zomeda to strengthen the bones since they had discovered new bone lesions. This treatment is a little easier to handle compared to the last one. At least I thought so..lol! Oh my how wrong was I..lol! I had done Herceptin before and never had any complications. So I went in not dreading anything at all...my nurse started me on saline and then put me on Herceptin....I reacted with bad chills (rigors) bp dropping and O2 stat dropping...they had rapid response team in my room and my husband and sister were told to go wait outside. I can't lie I was nervous and I thought I was going to kick the bucket...lol! Little sister was a mess and panicking and husband was getting there...but thank God that drama came to an end...lol! But I am happy to tell you that my system is behaving thus far and here's to hoping it stays that way:o)

My regiment was changed last week.
Wk 1: Herceptin (1wk dose)
Wk 2: Herceptin (3wk dose), Zomeda and Zolodex and then a break for 21 days;o) I heart my breaks..lol!

I took this out of my CT Scan report. Did this scan 3/11/2011:

IMPRESSION:

1.OVERALL WORSENING OF METASTATIC DISEASE, WITH INCREASING SIZE AND
NUMBER OF THE MULTIPLE BILATERAL PULMONARY NODULES AND AT LEAST ONE
NEW BONE LESION.

2.POSTSURGICAL CHANGES IN THE LEFT CHEST WALL WITH DECREASED
LOCULATED LEFT PLEURAL EFFUSION.


My song: Whose report will you believe? So taking it one day at a time. This is not over yet but it will be soon. Believing in that!!

Top of the morning to yah!

Good morning all! I know it has been a while since I have posted in my blog...I know I suck at being a blogger..lol! No need to tell me...the first step is admitting the problem :o) Last week I was just feeling kind of bleh...I felt so tired...wait fatigue would be the better word. It was like going through the first few months of chemo again. I totally hated disliked it but I am managing now. So I have been taking my vitamin pills faithfully....did I mention I just love (NOT) taking any type of pills. I still have yet to try Sis Tasha's miracle green powder.

I am taking Centrum Ultra Women and Caltrate also for horses  women....geez this pills are seriously for horses..they are huge and I feel like taking one everyday is like playing russian roulette with my precious life (don't read too much into that..I am just being dramatic) But on a brighter note my pill count has decreased dramatically. Thank you Jesus! Whew! So here are my weapons of assault:

Clindmycin (I will tell you why later) for infection side effect: diarrhea
Centrum (horse pills) for Vitamins side effect: constipation
Caltrate (horse pills) for Vit D and Calcium side effect: constipation
Anastrozole (for breast cancer side effect: hot flashes)
Odensetron (for nausea side effects: dizzy, sleepyness, drowsiness and constipation)
Oxycodone (for pain side effect: constipation)
Kadian (aka morphine for extended pain relief side effect: constipation)

*This morning I skipped pain meds....I am not in pain*

That's my line up for now. Can you believe I wrote all those without looking at the labels (ok I peeked at the vitamin bottles)...hmmm I should work at the pharmacy after this is done...whaddayathunk?!

Like I said I absolutely dislike taking pills. It came just about the time I started with the cancer treatment. I would scare myself silly reading the side effects and then justify not taking it. It throws your system into a loop...one word BENEFIBER...will be your bosom buddy..'nuff said....I rest my case.

So today I am highly excited...for no apparent reason...I have infusion (the word my oncologist uses for milder medicines...hhhmm still pondering that one) today in about 2 hours...goshdarn it I wanted to do something else...since my health depends on it, I can't cancel. As a great patient you best believe even if my life did not depend on it I will still not go *smiles* yup they adore me there..lol!

Let me explain myself and those of you who have been through this will understand where I am coming from. When you see the doctors so many times you do get tired of it...so I do play the cat and mouse with my doctor's office sometimes...I do get tired and to top it off is when you have a feeling it will be bad news when they call you in.

But I am back in good behavior and so today I am going to suck it up, go to my appointment and take this infusion like a grown women.*I feel I should have background music playing for that earth shattering statement* salute please...I kid I kid..lol!

Have a good one! God bless.

Renewed Our Vows on Saturday May 14th 2011

My husband of 7 years :o) Manasau Maitoga and I standing with my parents and niece, Jordyn.

My husband and I have been married for seven years and have known each other for nine years. Our families have ties that go way back. We are blessed with the best families, friends and church families and we were glad that they were able to join us our special day. We were unable to invite everyone due to the size of the venue and we wish we could...my sincere apologies.

The day was a little overcast but it turned out enjoyable. Lots of food and lots of laughter. It was an experience for our non-fijian friends..lol! They got to try Fijian food from the lovo (similar to luau food) The ceremony was performed by Bro Prandez and it was all we could ask for. Thank you so much Bro Prandez! The ceremony was short and very simple with a lot of meaning.

Seven years ago when I said I do at the Santa Clara courthouse those vows did not mean a whole lot.  You know....through sickness and in health, through good times and bad...*even writing this I am still teary* hoping hubby does not walk in while I am writing and crying...hahahahahaha! Let's get back to my story:o) As I was saying at that time it was just the excitement of getting married, being in love and hoping for a brighter future together. Getting only the good things out of life...you know...hoping for nothing but the best. Life has a way of teaching you things and you better pay attention too...lol!

During the ceremony I could not stop the tears....7 years can feel so short or feel like a lifetime. Mine was starting to feel like a lifetime at times....When the vows were read out and it came to the part where it says through sickness and in health...now I know how true that can be. It was a moment of reflection. Thanking God for bringing us together.  I am blessed to married to my best friend, my number 1 fan and the best ever.

I keep going back to the trying times of being married and marvel at the hand of God at work. He is truly amazing. It may feel like life can be at a standstill and of course I start to wonder "when will this ever end"...but it has taught us that even when it feels like there's no progress God is still at work. Every victory is so worth the struggle. You savor that victory because it is hard earned and prayer earned :o)

I am so thankful for the people that helped us through...guided, comforted and counseled us through the tough times. We know it is not over yet but God always has the last word. I am just blessed!

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I LOVE YOU MY DEAR HUSBAND AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR WHAT GOD HAS IN STORE FOR US!! HERE'S TO MANY MORE YEARS TOGETHER. IT MAY NEVER BE PERFECT BUT AS LONG I HAVE JESUS AND YOU I AM HAPPY!!

LOVE ALWAYS,
YOUR WIFE

One More Day And You will be 1 My Dear Niece, Jordyn Tupou McGehee!!

Hey there! Hope everyone is doing well:o) Time flies!! My niece is turning 1 tomorrow! Its seems like it was yesterday that she was born. My beautiful little niece Jordyn Tupou McGehee. She is just so precious. She is such a blessing. A little drama queen and a brilliant little girl and just a big personality for such a little person..lol! My husband calls her "my little hurricane" because of the mess she makes. My goodness now that she is walking she seems to take a liking to swiping everything off the table...lol!

One day after giving up on telling her to stop and I just watched her....not sure what was going on in that little head...she would just stand on the spot and then take things and threw it over her shoulders....it must bother her that things are in order...lol...must we have chaos to have peace?....not getting that! It is so funny how she only listens to my brother. The rest of us can talk and call her till we are hoarse and she will ignore us...but when it comes to Junior she will stand there  beside him without touching anything...its hilarious!! she will only do it if my brother gives her the ok...lol! So her new thing now is talking on the phone. If the phone rings or she sees us talking on the phone...she will throw a tantrum till we give her the phone. She gets on the phone and says: "Hi pepi!" and "Bye pepi!" and then she hangs up on you....no phone etiquette at all :o)

We love her and we are glad that she is part of our lives. We love you little brat!!

Top of the morning to you! :)

Good morning! It is so beautiful this morning. Got up early like clockwork..lol! I was never a morning person till I started all this treatment. Either it was my meds or the just the discomfort. I am looking for my dream bed:) This one has kind of runs its course. My sister recently purchased this king sized thing...at first I liked it because it was so soft but woke up with backpain...so not going for soft. Firm is the one. Now just gotta find one. Good thing my husband is always up for anything after the nagging...LOL!! But he is a great husband- I can't complain. He takes great care of me:)

So I went for my appointment and discussed all treatment needed with my doctor. I will be starting treatment tomorrow:P Not really looking forward to it but my doctor said it would be an easier regiment...not as aggresive as my last chemo. There's a catch...if it doesn't work in the next 3 months, I will be back on chemotherapy......eewww! So not the business! So they told me....they will give me a week break after the first cycle.....I am hoping that it falls on August. I asked them about going to Fiji in August-  no definite answer....just like "we will work with you" so I am not too sure what that meant. Hoping that meant a yes. I need a vacation...lol! really bad! lol!

Seen my surgeon yesterday (Thoracic surgeon) Dr Whyte. A fine doctor and very knowledgeable. Anyway so we had our discussion yesterday, he says things are looking good and healing up very well. Thank you Jesus. He had taken out the 3rd and 4th rib and replaced it with some mesh material. Told him about the pain and discomfort I was having, he said it will get better with time. Explained to me that the pain was because they removed nerves and muscles along with the ribs. I have been having some numbness on my side but I was assured that it was normal. My chest wall resection went as planned:) Some ray of light there...lol! He had looked at my scans- it looks like its healing well. Thank you Jesus!

Just got my meds yesterday, Neurotin. It is supposed to help me with the numbness on my toes. The numbness was a side effect of the chemo. So anyway I was reading through the medication information and then came to the side effects....it said anxiety, depression...I was like what? It was a drama queen moment for me...I don't have too many of those..lol! I don't know about this....I haven't taken one yet....I will talk to my doctor again tomorrow. I would rather have numbness and then go through depression and anxiety. Depression and anxiety is part of the package when going through treatment, surgery and just being uncertain about life. To add more is just not going to work for me. No thank you...

So I have just had a light bulb moment recently...I have learnt to speak up if I am uncomfortable about a certain treatment and I have a right to refuse. When I first started treatment it was like- do whatever you want with me, give me whatever medicine you want but just get me out of this misery. I found that approach did not work so well. I was the one suffering more. Its good to be informed about your options, have a look at your x-rays, scans and reports- don't just rely on what the doctors are saying. Do your research, ask questions be part of the decision making. The more informed you are, the more prepared you will be.

More than anything trusting in God is the key. I believe that. With God nothing is impossible!

Here We Go Again.

Riding the rollercoaster again. Not a fun experience...but can't be avoided.  This is surely getting old and frustrating as well. Wishing I could run away from all this. I really do. Its getting harder to stay positive about this- I am only human and there's only so much I can take. Not sure wheather to run, scream or cry.

Went to see my doctor on Thursday, got nothing but bad news. I am so sick of it really. I dread going to the doctor. Its like taking one step forward and three steps back. Bone scan results were not good either. My doctor gave me my options of treatment- thank goodness that there's hormone treatment instead of chemo. I will be back on herceptin and I will be given bone strengthening meds. What I like is that I am not going to lose my hair- Thank you Jesus! It just started growing back (*I will post pics up*)

Going in again for surgery on the 13th. Not going to be a major surgery like the one I just had. I will be having a lumpectomy. It will be outpatient- thank you Jesus! I hate staying in hospitals :oP Love the level of care at Stanford Hospitals but I just can't stay...lol! So another bump but we are on our way somewhere hopefully...lol! Starting treatment again on Thursday. They going to give me shots every month and a side effect of that shot is hot flashes...bring on the hot flashes- it ain't nothing new...but I just got started on a new medicine called neurotin and that is supposed to take care of the hot flashes....LOL! we will wait and see if that works!! Knowing me...if there's side effects to be had...you best believe I will get it....hahahahaha!

Going to see the Bevu family in Santa Rosa was what I needed. Just needed to get away and just enjoy the company of family. Jim & Tagici you guys are the best....gotta have meatpies again. Our baker is still tired..lol!

Back in the race...:)

So I have been pushing out all my appointments and avoiding calls. I just needed time to recover both physically and mentally. It was getting to be one thing after another and I felt like I was going to drown in the sea of medical problems...good lord give me a break! So I took a break and I am glad I did. Now I feel ready to take over the world...lol....or so I tthought.

I went on Tuesday to do my scans. First up was my bone scan. Injection at 10.45am and 2.55pm scan. Did I mention I ABSOLUTELY HATE NEEDLES!!!. I hated it before and then I got used to it and now I hate it with a passion!. Recently the nurses have been having a hard time finding my veins and getting the needle into my port. So its either a hit or a miss. If its a miss we have to keep trying till we get it. Kudos to those nurses that hit with the first poke. You rock!!..lol!

My last appointment was a breast MRI. Different from a mammogram and less uncomfortable. But I was in pain because when doing the breast MRI you are lying on your stomach and once inside the machine your weight is supported by your ribs. I have 2 ribs less on my left side, they had removed it because the tumor was above it. I am still healing from that so I was wishing for pain pills. To top it off the whole exam was 45mins. So I was in that position for 45mins. I was just about to press the emergency buzzer. I was praying  the exam would end soon. I endured...thank you Jesus! While in pain I was debating whether to press that buzzer. I knew if I did it would mean redoing the torture again but just at a different location...urrrghh! So had to suck it up and get with the program. Once that scan was done, got up from that machine and walked away like I got kicked in the ribs...hahahahaha! Crap it did hurt! Gotta keep that smile on:)

Feeling a little sick this afternoon. Runny nose and upset stomach. Panicked a little because of the cramps but okay now. I am not looking forward to my appointment tomorrow. I will be seeing Dr Warpner who is a Breast Surgeon and Oncologist. I am a little nervous because I don't want to do another surgery. My first surgery was done by Dr Richard White who is a Cardiothoracic Surgeon and in my opinion is the best:) He knows what he is doing and a great human being:) Hubby's favourite Dr out of all the Drs that I see.

So not thrilled about seeing Dr Warpner. I really don't know if I can do another surgery again. I mean dang this last surgery was almost a killer literally.  So if I could avoid surgery I will. I am barely just back on my feet and have not been taking any pain meds:) My reason to celebrate:) I know I will be starting chemo again. Hoping it is just for maintenance and nothing crazy. Again....my hair is just growing back, it would suck to lose it again.

All in all I am hoping I am making the right decisions on my treatment. Just another bump in the road. Just gotta get through it:)

Why Do All Good Things Come To An End...RIP Andrew

Reconnected with one of my friends from work. Before I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time I was managing one of the branches of a dental corp. That is where I met my co-worker/friend Jo. She is one of those chicks from the hood, a little rough around the edges but with a good heart. This girl is a little crazy but a sweetheart.

The first day I met this chick she gave me a rundown of the scandalous things happening at the office. I was like...wait a minute you don't even know me that well...lol! How right she was too..lol! So my girl quit and went back to the motherland for vacation. But before she left she came by the office with her boyfriend at that time Andrew to give us the good news that they were expecting. We were all happy with the news. Jo and Drew were beaming...can't stop smiling:) After all the excitement, looking back now little did we know that was the last time we were going to see Drew. For the short time I knew Drew he was such a sweet guy. Very well spoken and just a nice demeanour.

A few days ago I reconnected with my girl Jo on Facebook and she called me. She told me that Drew had passed away on January 12th at Stanford Hospital. I could hear the pain through her tears as she told me about losing Drew. I wish I could give her hug over the phone. I can't imagine losing your significant other, your best friend and the father of your unborn child. My heart breaks for my friend for the pain she has to endure. Baby Andrew was born a little over a month after his Dad had passed away. My heart goes out to him and his Mom. Jo you are  strong woman!!! I believe that with all my heart. You are in my prayers always girl!! It was so good talking to you again, I wish we had known that Drew was sick and come to visit since I was a regular at Stanford around that time having my treatments.

Jo you promised a get together, so I am holding you to that....I know you are walking around in PJs and just hanging with Baby Andrew:) so giving you time girl. I love you girl and I am here if you need me.

Losing someone close to you is always so painful. It takes getting used to not seeing the person anymore. All we have are memories and countless wishes. Wishing to see them one more time, wishing to undo the wrongs, wishing we could buy more time, wishing we had been a better friend, a better husband, a better wife, a better sister, a better brother, a better parent and a better ...... and the list goes on.

 Life is so fleeting. More so with all the natural disasters happening and wars breaking out. Treasure your family and friends. Not to be a voice a doom...you never know that might be the last time you will be seeing them. I have been thinking about my friend's situation and how they did not expect to lose Drew. As much as we would like to hold on, death is something inevitable. Many are afraid of it because its an unknown and we tend to fear the unknown. I am glad that death is just a beginning of another journey with Jesus and not the end.

XOXO
Folau

My friend Jo and Drew. Rest in Peace Andrew! You would have made a great Dad! Baby Andrew is such a handsome boy:)

Getting Back To Normal

I was just thinking today how cancer can take over your life- only if you let it! Getting the news is always devastating. Hearing it the second time for me was just as bad as the first time. The doctor told me how she sorry she was that it was back. All I can think about was how hard it was the first time to get back to what I know as "normal life" As a cancer patient I know for a fact how we all want to be normal. Do things that normal people do. Go out whenever we want without worrying about catching something because our immune system has been compromised by chemo, eating whatever we want without worrying about nausea and upset stomach and always having your Dr's digits in case something happens...and many more.

After reading books and talking to other people I have learnt to accept the changes. I have had to live with some side effects from the first time around. I became lactose intolerant (goodbye ice-cream!), joint pain, tingling and numbness of my toes and fingers. I dealt with it and just learnt there's some things I can't do and some things I have to go without. Some days I feel like tempting fate...I grab a couple of Lactaid pills and have a go at ice-cream...hahahaha...and then its a waiting game to see who wins..LOL!! Me or the ice cream...:) My good friend, Filo makes fun of me when I do that:)

So I joined this study on pain management they are researching at Stanford. They gave me some good tips. Glad to say I am off my pain meds for the past 3 days. Yay! I had to take Kadian (morphine) for a while...no pain but stomach problems and drowsiness. Didn't want to feel like I am floating so I decided to try and get through my day without it. Some pain but its manageable. *crossing fingers and toes*

Niece Jordyn's Little Antics...:)

Yay! Wednesday!!! Looking forward to the service this evening. I have been back at home for the past 3 days. Feel like I am getting my strength back- Thank you Jesus! Miss my niece...we went to see her yesterday. Mom treated us to lunch. Had some awesome Indian food and spent time with my family. Jordyn was drama as usual...lol....she does not stop. Indian food is spicy but she wanted it anyway. Mom cut up little pieces and put it on her plate...mind you, girly just turned 10 months...lol! She only has 2 and half teeth...she went ahead and started eating the spicy chicken...oh my word she had tears running down her face..she started coughing but no crying from my little champ...my Mom gave her some water and some naan but baby girl wanted the spicy chicken :D So funny!!!

A few weeks ago I had given her some Sprite, since Jordyn has not tried soda before she did not know what was about to hit her....I gave her some soda and she gulped it down. As soon as the fizz hit, her expressions were hilarious.....she was blinking fast and she was smacking her lips together....hahahahaha! Her little eyes started getting watery...lol! Needless to say she wanted more....at this time food over rules everything else. If you have food, you will be a friend instantly....LOL! She will give you her widest smile...hahahahaha! After about the 4th time she drank the soda...when I offered it to her again she wouldn't open her mouth. She looked at me and shook her head.....it was hilarious! I guess the soda won this time! lol!

She has started walking and we have to run around and catch up with her. She is already going up the stairs...and already figured out how to come down just as fast. She can say a few words that just cracks me up. She started with "Pop it" translation: Stop it. She does "No no no" and shakes her little index finger at you..lol....unfortunately she has attitude too. Last week she was playing with her Mom and she smacked her Mom on the face.  Tui looked at Jordyn and said "Stop it. That hurts" Baby girl started giggling. They kept playing and Jordyn stuck her fingers in her Mom's mouth, my sister bit down on her fingers...Jordyn made an angry face and said to her Mom "Pop it, it hur!" It was so funny! This girl is something else. Will be posting up picture in the future. She is such a blessing! Always brightens up my day. She loves coming to my room at my Mom's house because she knows I have food and juice:) Love this little girl....she is just growing up too fast!

I AM BLESSED

Wow!!! So many things happening around the world...trouble in Egypt, earthquake in New Zealand, Japan and Indonesia, tsunamis in numerous places....Jesus come back soon!! I am glad that I believe in a great God and that I have His peace. His word says in Phil. 4:7 that His peace surpasses all understanding. Its getting worse...I am glad that my trust is in you.

Just read the status on Francis' (Varanisese Drodrolagi) facebook page about separation and holiness. So proud of you girl!! I am thankful that we still have parents and First Church of San Jose who still raise godly young men and women. It is so easy to be out there in the world. Do whatever you please and not live up to any standards. Can't question me on that...I know so. Does not mean we are perfect...our God is. My flaws are numerous...still working on them.

Making a choice to live for God- I have never regretted it. I see how it makes a person better. My husband has become a better person through God's word and God's work in his life. A lot of people did not think he could ever change because he was hard headed and set in his ways. Only my Jesus can do that! So in your face devil!

I am thankful for my carepastors, Bro Sam and Sis Monica Hassas- can I just say- awesome!! That post and I quote by Bro Sam "God made planets.This cancer stuff is easy" just puts things in perspective. Thanks Moni for your post! I cried when I read that. I know and believe that God will heal me. Its like something that is branded in my mind but to think of what Bro Sam posted in Sis Caballero's page it floored me because my God is GREAT!!! He is the Alpha and the Omega, the Ancient of days, the creator of this earth and etc- so what is cancer to Him? Ooohhh Thank you Jesus!!! That builds up my faith.

Sis Vickie 2011 is still our year my friend!

Have a great Saturday everyone! God bless!


-Folau

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MY PARENTS!!

My parents recently had their anniversary so we all went out to dinner. They have been married for quite a while...lol! I am blessed to have them in my life...well without them there won't be a me...lol! They have been with us through the ups and downs. Taught us a lot of valuable things about life and I am thankful to God for them. I am praying that God would bless them with many more years of marriage. After losing my aunt last year makes me realize how fragile life could be. MOM and PA- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! We love you!!

We went to this place in Fremont called Bombay ??... forgot the rest of it but its on Mowry Avenue. They serve buffets only on weekends. We had a great time and had great food. Their lamb curry was good...it was just right :) And for dessert, we had mango ice--cream- yum! Great place- would definitely go again.

After dinner we went out to the lounge and there was a party going on in the next room. They had techno music going and my 10 month old niece Jordyn was dancing to it...she dances to anything...lol! When the music stopped the MC made a speech and after his speech he said in a thick Indian accent "Any comments?" It was funny, just never heard of that before in a party...lol....he must be a fan of FB lol!


To my parents: Mikaele & Selai Taitusi.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY Pa & Mom!!! We love you dearly. May God bless you with many more. Love from all of us at home especially from your two sweet (headache) grandkids, William & Jordyn:)

Tuesday Marchh 8th 2011

Wow March is already here...the year will be a quarter of the way through by next month. I get emotional when I hear that someone or someone's family member is diagnosed with cancer. Like I said I would not wish cancer on my worst enemy. For so many reasons I get emotional...just learning to deal and accept it is not easy. I sympathize with any new cancer patient because it can be such a painful journey to good health and sometimes there can be so many uncertainties.

Recently a friend that I met through my sister was diagnosed with some form of cancer and he also had surgery. When I would go for treatment he used to check me in with a smile. He is just such a sweet person. So sad to hear when he was admitted. A few weeks back I met him at the Cancer Center at Stanford and he was just coming back from some tests. I did not even recognize him, he had lost so much weight and gone was the happy go lucky smile. Of course I got teary...I know I am getting to be a big mess..lol! He told me how he was going through series of tests and he was just getting tired. I am hoping and praying for a speedy recovery for him.

It has been almost 2 months since my surgery and my recovery has been really slow. I guess the older I get the longer it takes to recover :) I am thankful that the swelling on my feet has finally gone down...now I am waiting for the ankles to go down too. The swelling on my legs have gone down a great deal:) Supposed to be seeing the Dr on Thursday so that can map out my treatment. I am so ready for a vacation..lol! I want to just close my eyes and wish myself to a beach in Fiji....oh I miss home so much. My Dad is leaving this week and I think I will beg him to take me with him...lol....I think I will have a speedy recovery in Fiji ;) but that will have to wait till August. I am glad that through all this God is still in control. 

 

Hi Everyone!!!

WOW!!! It seems  like it has been forever...so nice to be back:) It has been a very emotional journey for me this past few weeks. All of you well wishers and those who keep me in prayer...may God continue to bless you...you have no idea how your prayers and words of encouragement has carried me through.

Went in for surgery on Jan 24th...was originally scheduled for Jan 21st but due to some medical issues had to move it out for another 3 days. 24th finally came and I was ready to get this over with. The original plan was for a double mastectomy but at the last consult my oncologists and surgeons feel that it would not be necessary at this time. The more urgent issue was the spindle cell sarcoma that is growing and not responding to chemotherapy.

I was so disappointed over the fact that months of chemotherapy and putting up with the side effects did nothing to the sarcoma...instead of shrinking the stupid tumor grew a few more centimeters....to be honest I was mad....I lost my hair, felt tired days on end, nauseous....so I was a pissed cancer patient. So I was in that..."why me?" mode...I cried my eyes out....talk to Jesus about it...the only way to go about it when you feel you are at your wits end :) So finally they decided to cut the tumor out...the only way to deal with it...thus the surgery date on Jan 24th.

So as the day arrived, I had changed into the hospital gown and was very well medicated :) and lying on that hospital bed I was thinking about all the people that had been with me through out this...family, church family and friends and realized how much strength we get when we have people praying for us. Thank you Bro Al,  Sis Filo & family, Drodrolagi family, Sis Wanda and Sis Mary Kay for visiting me...love you guys:)

Had my surgery- they resectioned the tumor, took it out by a clear margin....removed two ribs and did a biopsy on my lung...needless to say...pain was going to be a constant companion in the next couple of weeks. The staff and doctors at Stanford did a great job. Had little complications during my recovery at the hospital...but was able to go home after a week..spent a week at home and then I was back at the hospital for another week of vacation..lol!

At this point it was getting a little too much for me...I was tired of being away from home, I was getting poked with needles so many times and I just wanted everything to be over with. They could not let me go home yet because I was running fevers and chills with no explaination. So they did several series of blood tests and found that there was a parasite in my blood....antibiotics took care of that... thank you Jesus!!! And then the fun continues....I got blood transfusion for the first time... such a strange feeling to have to need someone else's blood..that did not sit well with me but I needed it. The first one went well...my second transfusion was a killer....I literally thought that was it for me....I could not breathe and I was so cold I was shaking and broke out in rashes. It was scary. I was thinking to myself..."this is it!" thank God they have good meds for calming down reactions. It really made me think when that happened....am I ready to go? I don't feel ready...there's still so much work to be done on me spiritually and I still have families and friends that I need to reach for Jesus.

So its been 4 days now at home....having nausea and throwing up at times but all in all I feel blessed to be alive. My appetite is slowly returning and my strength is slowly coming back as well:) This has not been easy for me....my husband told me to pray when I can't sleep or when I am feeling down...I have been doing that and it has helped me a lot. I have my days when I can't take it so my answer to that is to leave it to Jesus- He will figure it out for me..He has been to my tomorrow.

I am happy to announce that my hair is growing back...it just a fuzz but its growing...THANK YOU JESUS!!! *I will post pics of my new hair*

PS: Thank you to all the ladies that brought flowers and fruits:) (First Church of San Jose, Sis Filo, Sis Lani, Sis Jessica, Sis Mary, Sis Wanda and Mommy.

Happy New Year....This is will be a Great Year- In Jesus Name!

Hi everyone!!!


It has been a few weeks since I have been on my blog for numerous reasons but I am back:) My new year has been relatively quiet....loved it! I think as I get older I treasure peace and quiet:) Since the last time I had updated my blog, I have been to the ER twice...one for mild pneumonia and an infection which raised my heartrate...to this day my heartrate is still high....50 times more than my normal usual heartrate. Doctors do not know exactly what is going on. I am a little worried about it. My second visit was last week....my eyes decided to swell up at the same time. I had radiation to my right eye back in August of 2010 because a tumor had affected my vision. The Drs at Valley Medical told me that I would permanently lose my vision but by God's grace my vision is slowly returning to my right eye.

So the Drs at Stanford Hosp gave me an ointment for my eyes....Its doing much better except that I have another eye infection this morning.....LOL!!! Yes my life is very exciting!!:) So I have put some eye drops and hopefully it will clear up so I can go to the evening service. I need to- I will be down for the next couple of weeks.

One thing I am so happy about is that they stopped chemo on me and I am feeling much better.  They had to stop chemo on me for several reasons and one of them was because my type of cancer was not responding to the chemo. It has grown twice as big so we are going for our second option of surgery to remove the tumor. I am scheduled for surgery in the coming week and of course I am a little nervous...my second time going under the knife but that does not make it any better. Leaving it all in God's hands...He will see me through.

Apart from that I have been getting more energy and rejoining everyone in the land of the living:) I am able to get up and clean my room....giving my hubby a break:) Before I could not even sit up on some days. All I wanted was my pillow and blanket and my heater....yes I would be freezing in the middle of the day..lol! Woke up this morning with no probs except for the swollen eye.

One thing you will need to do when going through cancer is that you need to pay attention to your body.....very important because your Drs will quiz you on every visit. No one who goes through cancer comes out the same way they went in. If you are fortunate enough you will not have any side effects from your treatment....maybe some battle scars...testifying to what you have been through. I salute fellow survivors.....it is not easy because it wears you down physically, emotionally and mentally. That is why whenever it gets hard for me I remind myself that someone out there is having it worse that I have. I am grateful and thankful that I have God on my side...if it wasn't for Him...I would not be here today...real talk!! Every cancer patient wishes for good health....its that simple....nothing else matters.

Things that you take for granted you will treasure....like your appetite:) Its so funny how when I go for chemo all I can see on each patient's screen is food channel:) One of the most common side effects is nausea and not being able to keep food down....thus the obsession with food. Cancer is something I would not even wish for my worst enemy. Cancer sucks!

I am looking forward to getting better and just getting back to normal life. I miss so many things like just being able to fellowship and socialize with family and friends.....my kids at my Sunday school class. So can't wait to get back!

 Have a great Sunday!!